I’m in the process of letting go of my home right now. Our beloved old cottage has turned out to be too much work and too expensive to maintain for us to live here comfortably. And – what really sealed the deal – our girls have developed health issues directly related to the mould we recently discovered in the cellar.

So we’re letting it go. We’re taking care of what needs to be taken care of, and come January we’ll start looking for a new place to live.

I’ve been open with the fact that I’m a bit heartbroken about it. That I find it painful to let go of a place I love so dearly, and that this house has been more than a house for me – it has been a dream of HOME, the one I never had and the one I want for me and my family.

And when you own your less than happy feelings publically, you’re bound to get advise. Much of which revolves around letting go and moving on, not looking back, not crying but seeing the blessing in whatever is going on.

And of course, eventually that is the truth that will remain. The gift this mess holds.

Yes. But the truth right now is that I’m not there yet. What’s present for me right now is a sense of loss, and whatever is present is what I deal with. No rushing to get to the “positive” side of things. No spiritual by-passing. Just the honesty of what is actually so for me right now. Paying attention to the wisdom of my feelings and allowing space for my human form to catch up with what my soul already knows.

Because I know – soul deep – that ultimately there IS no loss. Whatever I can lose was never mine in the first place, and what is truly mine can never be taken away.

There’s that knowledge.

And then there’s also the human experience. I’m here as a human being and part of the human experience is to feel things, to experience separation, loss, grief and a multitude of diverse and complex feelings – not all of them light and bright.

We also have the capacity to to remember our true nature, to experience oneness, infinite love, pure light. But that’s only one side of it. The human existance is all about both and.

Most of us would prefer to have one without the other. Light without darkness. Courage without fear. Faith without doubt.

But that would render this human lifetime meaningless, because the whole point of being here is experiencing it all. Embracing it all. And ultimately transcending it all.

But the path to trancendence is through. The path forward is through. No shortcuts available on this journey.

Sometimes life speaks to us through pain. If we don’t stay with what is in those moments, we’re going to miss the lesson that situation holds for us. And if we miss it, it will have to repeat itself. Until we get it. Life has a way of insisting we learn certain lessons (have you noticed?).

So I’m staying present for the feelings of loss right now. I do my best to be honest with what is. Letting it move me and move through me. So that once it’s over, it’s truly over.

Staying with the difficult feelings means that I also make myself available to feelings of trust, gratitude and joy. Because the only place the good feelings can ever exist is in the exact same space as the ”bad” feelings: in the present moment. In our truthful and embodied experience of life, right this moment. Avoid the bad and you’ll also miss out on the good.

There’s a simplicity to how this works and I’m gratefully embracing it. Not trying to get to a brighter future. Not trying to get anywhere at all. Just settling into what is and allowing it to unfold, without meddling. Trusting the perfect timing of it all.

I’m not required to fix myself or my life. I don’t have to try and make this experience into anything other than what it is. Only be present for it and participate as fully as I possibly can.

Life will see to the rest.



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